Hi there. This post has been a long time coming and I have been putting it off in fear of an adverse reaction which may impact me personally, but I feel I need to put it out there.
All my life I have been driven; driven to be a better person and to do the more that I have always known I can.
Well, this has taken a real toll on me over the past few years. Having put myself out there doing things I have felt uncomfortable doing including doing and trying new things to better myself. As I have a tendency to be a perfectionist I am always very hard on myself and never seem to live up to my own standards, which in most cases are much higher than others have on me.
Due to jobs that didn’t work out as I had envisaged and never seem to be able to find the perfect role where I can add value in a supported and exciting environment, I have found myself in a place where my mood drops and I feel extremely down and out, so much so that I could be walking down the street and all of a sudden I just start crying for no apparent reason.
At its worst this feeling can linger for months and getting out of bed and facing people is a real challenge. On the surface and to most people I seem fine but underneath I have been hurting and hurting big time.
The only things that keep me going are the support of gorgeous wife and my children, and my best friend Sue who seems to know me better than I know myself.
Now is one of those times and has been for nearly 4 months. Some days are better than others. I drag myself out of bed each day and try everything I can to keep myself buoyant including meeting with people, listening to audio books, putting myself through training courses, keeping active and reminding myself I am better off than a lot of others and that it will get better. The truth is most of the time I can’t see it getting better but I keep going anyway.
To my friends and colleagues, I apologise to you if I have been short with you in the past or have seemed absent although I am right in front of you.
To my supporters, THANK YOU I couldn’t keep going without your love and support.